Holiday OCD

Well I can tell the holidays are now over - my OCD has calmed down.

The Holidays are generally pretty stressful for me, esp since I got laid off and have just been doing freelance. I can slip into these bizarre habits without even realizing it.

Like I went to Cliterati to hear the reading and had to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things. I realized while shopping that my favorite yogurt was marked down to .39, which generally means I can get 6 (3-9=6). Not that that formula makes any sense at all, but it's just that there has to be some formula or reason for every little decision.

I also, got to the .99 frozen pizzas and usually means I get 3 (cause 3 goes into 9), but I actually only got 2.

I know we measure things in small victories sometimes, but I actually got a big thrill out of living dangerously and breaking the rules.

I finally have the gas pump thing licked. I used to have to always find the gas pump number that matched how much gas I wanted to get. For instance if I wanted $10 in gas, I'd have to go to pump #10. If that one was busy, I could go to pump #9 or $11, but I'd then have to get $9 or $11 worth of gas. I realized that had gotten out of hand though when I actually would find myself leaving a gas station and going down the street if a) only low # pumps were available (cause it didn't make sense to just get $1 of gas - duh) or b) only high # pumps were available (cause I couldn't get $18 dollars in my tank).

Funny how the mind works.

I even used to be that way with my poetry, I was a hopeless counter. Squeezing each piece into some bizzare meter like: 5-5-5-5, or 2-3-4-5, not that it had anything to do with the work, it's just that if I didn't make all the meter work, it drove me crazy.

A lot of people would probably find this strange, especially considering I'm such a laid back and relaxed person generally. I'm certainly not up in the leagues with the chronic house keepers (I wish) or the hand washers.

But if you ever open up my fridge and find some bizzare number of things, like 9 bottles of pancake syrup, or 12 jars of mustard -- you'll know I must have been having a bad day.

Merry Xmas!

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas. It's going to be pretty quite here, just visiting with friends around town. Hope everyone has a great holiday with friends and family.

Outide the Green Zone - Review in The Pedestal

The new Pedestal Magazine has a review of "Outside the Green Zone".

http://www.thepedestalmagazine.com/Secure/Content/cb.asp?cbid=5049

I'll have to do a more extensive blog on this. After it's all said and done, now that I've been working on this project for so long now, it might be time for a recap/lessons learned post on that project. So look for that.

Pretty Amazing video, especially the first half, you keep thinking it just has to be special effects. What makes this particularly amazing too though is that it's done by 21 members of the China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe, doing what's call the Thousand-hand Bodhisattva dance. They're all deaf which makes it even more amazing since there's no music ques they can follow.

Ode to the Silver Grill

This is a piece I wrote on an Atlanta Insitution and one of my old favorites:

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Country Fried Steak at The Silver Grill

Atlanta is full of contradictions. To start with, it’s a large cosmopolitan southern town. Cosmopolitan and Southern are words most people just don’t usually put together. Yet the great strength of the city is that it not only attracts people from around the country, but it’s in particular a regional hub for the best, brightest and most ambitious of the South’s sons and daughters. I myself came here over twenty-five years ago looking for opportunity and community and now consider it home, and wouldn’t consider living anywhere else.

It’s been said Atlanta often favors the latest and greatest, the newest and shiniest over its history and more homespun institutions. Even on a personal level we often try to distance ourselves from our small town roots and lose the thick southern accents.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this Atlanta’s “Southerness” lately, mainly because I’ve been visiting the Silver Grill on Monroe drive. I’m trying to get in all the fried chicken and country fried steak I can before they soon close their doors. They’re soon to be the latest in a long line of Atlanta institutions to make way for redevelopment.

I find myself really torn on this, I’m all for the cities redevelopment and renewal. I’m excited about all the new condo towers in downtown and midtown, the expanded museum, the new aquarium. I realize that it’s good for the city I love so much. However, I do miss some of the little things that are getting lost. I miss not only the historic buildings like the Pershing Point Hotel and most recently 615 Peachtree, but even the little things, the institutions like the Silver Grill.

In a city that aspires to build the “Midtown Mile” a long overdue retail district in midtown, I sometimes feel words like upscale, high-end, and “the next Rodeo Drive” get tossed around a bit too much. I’m reminded that if we aspire to build the next ____ (fill in the blank) then it will never be more than an imitation, a cheap copy of whatever we’re trying to emulate. True institutions are built as unique entities with their own personalities and charm.

That brings me back to The Silver Grill. The restaurant was built decades ago so that country folks coming to work construction in the big city could find a little piece of home, a nice plate of comfort food, a meat and two veggies, and a good cobbler. Over the decades, it’s been pretty much the same story. The workers changed a bit, construction workers and day laborers giving way to office workers, and lawyers and now even web designers. It’s always been for the same reason though, to get a little piece of home in the big city. To eat in the Silver Grill is to feel a little bit closer to home for a while, to feel a little more comfortable with ones southern roots. To have Peggy give you a big smile and “hey hon” is like getting a big hug from a favorite aunt.

Not that I really have a solution. It’s a problem that some people can’t even get their heads around, but it’s just something we need to keep in mind. With growth comes choices, but progress isn’t always measured by biggest and newest, much like our lives aren’t always measured in the size of our paychecks and having a corner office.

If I had a few million bucks lying around, I’d buy the property to save it. The sad thing is there will more than likely be a chain restaurant there in the end, but it will probably serve burritos or sushi. If I had my way I’d make sure everybody got a nice vacation and have them come back to a nice new (but not too shiny) Silver Grill on the corner of a new condo building.

But all I can do for now is call up friends I haven’t talked to in a while, and meet them for dinner and enjoy the country fried steak and the company. We sit around in the booths and catch up, maybe talk about family and where we grew up and whatever happed to so-and-so. We find that we talk a bit slower and relax after a long busy day, and though we all try to watch our weights there’s always room for cobbler.

GO WEST

Well, I've been pretty negligent lately about keeping up with my blog.

As some of you know I'm in the middle of changing jobs.

I do have a lot to catch up on, and it's funny how with blogging, you have all this stuff to put down, but then you put it off, then you get backed up, then it's all just too much to deal with. So, voila, you just dump all the baggage and start fresh.

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I did go to see the PET SHOP BOYS at the Tabernacle. Made for a nice evening, I even drove over to the station and took the train into town. It was a nice night for walking around.

Now First let me explain a special connection I have with a special connection with the PSBs and their music. I think most any gay boy around my age probably did. It's music we all kinda grew up and came out with.

But above and beyond that, I have a special connection with "GO WEST". Some years ago my partner David passed away, from a very long lingering fight with AIDS. It was one of those particularly dramatic movie-of-the-week deals. Drama with the family (Jehovah's Witnesses), home care (IVs and inhome nursing), etc.

Now this was very early on in the crisis, before anyone even knew what it was exactly or how to deal with it. We found out he had it when he kept getting sick and no one could figure out what it was. He got test and yeah, he was pretty far along. He got sick pretty quickly, and then was sick for a long time. Now I was also positive, but not as far along as he was. Naturally, most of the early focus was on his immediate need.

When he did pass away, suddenly I'm finding myself also with HIV, and now alone, having lost my partner of 10 years. It was a lot to handle, and things didn't look very promising.

So when I got his insurance money in hand, I was also charting my t-cell count and projecting to hit below 200 before too long. (That was sort of the magic number back then when you started getting sick.) Okay, now looking back the smart thing to have done would have been to invest the money or pay down on house. However, at the time, the standard speech for people diagnosed with HIV was "Well go ahead and write your will and get things in order." I really thought maybe realistically I only had a year or two to live, and probably 6 months of good health - if I was lucky.

Being from a small town in NC, and with my parents have died when I was young. I had never really traveled much. So when people suggested "well maybe you should do something you always wanted to do" (implying - while you can). The thing that came to mind was some travel. Particularly this romantic notion of the "Grand Tour" through all the European capitals. I got a three-month leave of absence from Coca-Cola, got me a Eurail pass, a plane ticket, and some travel guides and with only a rough notion of how and where to go, took off to Europe.

I could go on and on about that, It's a whole book in itself. In short though - it's probably been one of the best things I've ever done. It was a life-changing event, and I couldn't think of a better way to "go out in style."

But back to topic - GO WEST.

You could imagine I was in quite a mental state. Having just lost my partner after a long illness, and facing a dire future myself, everything took on larger-than-life meaning. I had to see every museum, go to ever city, every church. After two weeks I almost collapsed before I settled into a more reasonable routine of leisurely travel, with a day off here and there.

There were two big cultural touchstones for me that Summer. First, the movie "Philadelphia" it had already been in the states but was now being shown across Europe. Before the end of the trip I would see it SEVEN times, in various languages, sometimes in English with foreign subtitles, sometimes just dubbed in whatever language was local. I came to know that movie by heart. In many respects, it represented to me my recent past and what presumably would be my future; wasting syndrome, KS sores, a long lingering sickness that would surely end in a slow painful death. (How Cheery!)

But there was something else that was big that summer. "GO WEST" not just the song but the video (Video Bars were all the rage in Europe at the time). You couldn't go into a gay bar without hearing it. It was the anthem for that summer.

I'd started my journey in Manchester been there a couple of days, then moved on to the little resort of Blackpool. Interesting city Blackpool, it is to London, what Coney Island is to New York. Historically, the place the working class Brits would go to spend a family vacation, go to the amusement parks, the piers, and block after block of carnival attractions. The centerpiece is a 1/2 scale replica of the Eiffel Tower that sits on top of the worlds largest ballroom. (You see it on TV sometimes in competitions.) Another cool thing about Blackpool is that they don't allow hotels, the whole town for block after block is solid B&Bs. I stayed at this place called the "Crooked House" which was full of these 20-something secretaries (think big-haired Melanie Griffin in "Working Girl" but with a thick street British accent.)

Blackpool also has a very thriving gay scene. Where people come out for the weekend from London on the train. There was this one bar everyone said I HAD to go to. I forget the name, but just remember it was HUGE. Think Backstreet, but with a bigger dancefloor and more bars all around it, then stack three of those on top of each other, each with a different theme. It was on par with anything in NYC. But I got there WAY too early, and ended up sitting by myself at one of the bars watching the videos and making small talk with the bartender in the mostly empty cavernous disco.

Well so "GO WEST" comes on the screen. It was the first of MANY times I'd see it on this long trip. Now put in context all the previous stuff; lover dying from aids, doctors saying I probably only had a year or two tops, the "Philadelphia" mindset, etc.

Well then here's this video. That's all about looking forward, coming together, moving on, belonging to a community. I was overwhelmed. Something clicked. After YEARS of bad news, surpressed anger and grief, general frustration, I just lost it. I started just crying at the bar, and I don't mean just a few tears, I was howling, sobbing uncontrollably, the bartender just kinda stood by with his mouth open but was afraid to even say anything. I probably cried for a good 20 minutes (then the bartender bought me a drink after I explained - then he shed a couple of tears as well).

But what triggered all this?

Somehow in watching this song/video, something clicked. I allowed myself a chance of hope, a chance that there could be a brighter future. Mind you, I'm just talking about allowing or daring a "Chance of Hope". That in itself was a big breakthrough for me. I was allowing myself something other than this movie-of-the-week scenario, that was still fresh in my mind from David's death.

Now I know all that was knocking around inside my head to begin with, but seeing that song just brought it all into focus. Everytime I saw the video after that I would get a tear or two, but it was much more because of an optimism and hope that continued to come to the forefront throughout the trip.

So needless to say - when THE PET SHOP boys closed with GO WEST as their final song, there were again, a couple of tears.

"Outside the Green Zone" at the Portfolio Center

Atlanta contributors to “Outside the Green Zone: Poets Respond to the GLBT Cleansing of Iraq” held their first reading September 1st at the Portfolio Center in Buckhead, as part of “Poetry at the Portfolio Center” hosted by local poet Collin Kelley.

Some of Atlanta's leading poets contributed to this book, including: nationally-ranked slam poet Theresa Davis, poet and actress Lisa Allender, C. Cleo Creech (editor), poet, author and playwright Collin Kelley, and poet and activist Franklin Abbott.

A second reading is schedule for September the 12th at 8 p.m. to be held at Outwrite bookstore at 10th and Piedmont.

The collection of works is designed to bring awareness to the plight of the GLBT community in Iraq. Since the issuing of a Fatwa or religious edict calling for Gays and Lesbians to be killed in the “worse manner possible” by Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani, executions have become commonplace. Under the new Iraqi constitution which is based on Shira law these executions are now legal and constitutional. Increasingly being conducted by Iraqi security forces and police and boys as young as 14 have been executed in front of their families.

For more information see myspace at http://www.myspace.com/outsidegreenzone or email outsidegreenzone@comcast.net

Religious Fascist of the Day Award - Katherine Harris

Katherine Harris, our lady of the hanging chads, has come out and said what many Republicans would probably like everyone to believe - but are afraid to say so. Only days after President Bush has reclassified the war on terrorism as the war against Islamic fascism, it seems we have a few religious fascists of out own.

According to Katherine Harris:

1. Church-State seperation is a “lie”

2. The Founding fathers never intended this U.S. to be a country of “secular” laws (this is a popular talking point for the religious right.)

3. Seperating Church and States is wrong because GOD chooses our rulers (feeding into the notion often attributed to Bush, that he was “chosen” to be president).

4. "If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin," and end up with abortion and gay weddings and probably dogs sleeping with cats.

Though she's running for the Florida senate seat, Republicans continue to distance themselves from her. Not so much for her views, but because of other problems of “elect-ability”.

She's been tied to dealings with a corrupt defense contractor. So apparently God thinks it's okay to deal with corrupt warmongers??? Another great paradox in Republican convenient and politically-expedient selective value-bashing.

Green Zone at the Portfolio Center

Collin Kelley was nice enough to set up a reading for the Green Zone project at the monthly Portfolio Center readings. So this event will be Sept. 1st. 7:30, the Portfolio Center is on Bennett Street, Which is just off Peachtree North of Piedmont Hospital, Bennett Street is the Antique/Gallery Row that runs behind Mick’s. The Portfolio Center is all the way at the back.

Green Zone at Java Monkey

First reading from the Book last night at Java Monkey. Was a bit of an off night, but got good a response and sold a handful of books. The press kits have been trickling out, but just dropped a huge box of them off that I'd put together over the weekend. One response I keep getting from people is that “yeah, I remember kinda hearing something about that a while back.” So it's seems like this issue is something that is hovering around just on the edge of most people's consciousness, so hopefully this project will bring this into focus for people.

White Crane Journal Publication and Interview

I've been getting to know the guys at White Crane Journal lately. First, at the big GLBT reading at the main library downtown, someone picked up my chapbook "Flying Monkeys in Riot Gear" and sent White Crane copies of some of the pieces. White Crane will be publishing "June 22, 1969 - June 27, 1969" my piece on the connection of Judy Garland's death and the Stonewall riots.



I also happened to mention the "Outside the Green Zone" project. They've been very supportive. They will be dropping in a blurb in this coming issue on that as well as posting an interview with me on their online journal.

Outside the Green Zone - Getting it Out There

Well, after weeks (months) of pulling this together. Including hand-printing the art covers and assembly. The chapbook is now available.

I have to give a special thanks to my fellow contributing poets, Franklin Abbott, Lisa Allender, Theresa Davis, Collin Kelley and Steven Reigns. Everone brought heir own unique perspectives and styles and the result is a very powerful collection.

I'll be sending out lots and lots of press releases, guest columns, op-eds, etc. for while. I have a huge stack of contact and will be knocking out info/press releases every night.

Initial early reaction seems good.

Hopefully this will prove to be a vehicle to get the word out, and create some grass roots activism, as well as maybe raise a little money for the Uk exile group.

I'll keep you posted as events unfold.

Outside the Green Zone

Just finishing up this chapbook project, should be interesting to see how it works out. Have spent the weekend with all the handprinted covers hanging from clotheslines all through the house (an attractive decorating look.)